Always Doing The Most

   Take a second, clear your mind, close your eyes and image you are at a party. You are mingling with your friends and then the door opens. Someone walks in and your friend whispers to you “there they go always doing the most!”  What does that person look like to you? What are they wearing? What does their hair look like? How does their appearance make you feel? Ok, great now open your eyes.

    My friend recently had a dinner party and the theme was doing the most. She allowed her guest to come dressed in what they personally felt was considered “doing the most”. The theme was genius. Guest came adorned with crystal covered suites, bold pastels and glorious Afros. Seeing all these women made me realize doing the most is relative. It is subject to interpretation by you and others.

   I will happily admit that I am a super fan of doing the most.  I have been kind of extra all my life, never really on purpose but just by nature. It wasn’t until recently that I realized, although I embrace and love my over-the-top attitude and taste I can be a bit uncomfortable with it at times.

   The host of the dinner party told a story about one of her previous coworkers informing her that she was going to ask management if it was alright for her to wear her natural hair out. All the guest gasp. We were all shocked by the idea that someone thought it was normal to ask their employer if it was acceptable to wear their hair as it naturally grew out of their head. Are you shocked by this idea? I was shocked, then I thought about it. I have done this many times. No, I have never verbally asked if it was alright  for me to wear my natural hair. Nor have I ever asked for permission to be myself, but I have waited for entry before being my whole self. Hear me out.

    At this same dinner party I brought up the fact that I have always found it necessary to straighten my hair before any interview. For anyone who may not know, I am natural and have been for years. Although I change my hair often I usually wear my hair in an Afro. I find my natural hair perfectly acceptable for my everyday life but for some reason not when I’m trying to impress someone. This goes for first dates, business meeting and any other event or meeting were I feel I should make a good FIRST impression. I emphasize first impression because once I feel that I have gotten my “in” so to speak then I feel like it’s safe to wear my natural hair, bright colors, no make-up.

     Many guest spoke about the fact that at times as black women we feel the need to mute ourselves so that we do not make others feel uncomfortable. This brought me to an epiphany. Who cares if you being your authentic self makes people feel uncomfortable. That is their problem. I have embraced this. Although it is not easy I have taken small steps to make sure I am not waiting for entry to reveal who I am. I recently had a job interview were I wore my Afro and I got the job! I am excited about my new journey of apologetically being myself without permission.  

It's not what's on you that gets you in the room, it's what's in you.

Xoxo,

Sigourneyb